How to stop being afraid of people and overcome shyness in communication - rules and exercises

It’s better to start solving a problem with analysis. Therefore, do not be too lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be extremely specific. Instead of “talking with people”, indicate what kind of people we are talking about: strangers, representatives of the opposite sex or those who have power.

When you decompose a problem into parts, it already seems more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing your anxiety (most likely, calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking to an audience).

In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome increasingly difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will increase, and shyness will accordingly decrease.

Why is shyness dangerous?

Shyness and fear of people have common roots.

  • the second is more related to personality pathologies and manifests itself in the experience of fear in the presence of strangers and in the process of communication,
  • first - it is considered common and does not cause anxiety among parents if their child is inclined to be shy in company and avoid strangers, afraid to get to know each other. An adult considers this quality a character trait and a specific temperament, with which you do not need to do anything, but just reconcile.

The pathological fear of people is treated medically or through sessions with a psychologist, and shyness is often not paid attention to. However, this is not entirely true.

In terms of life, shyness and inability to communicate can sometimes bring a person many problems and missed opportunities, if you do not start working with her.

Shyness in most cases leads to:

  • narrowing the circle of friends. It is difficult for a shy person to get to know each other and communicate freely. Usually, such people are limited to family interaction. Moreover, most often they suffer because of this - because in fact they need diverse communication,
  • shyness affects the objectivity of the perception of the situation. When a problem or stressful situation arises, a shy person often becomes not logical, forgetful,
  • a shy person can rarely speak openly and defend his opinion,
  • shyness is the cause of depression and a decreased emotional background, shy people tend to feel dissatisfaction,
  • poor emotional and social life of a person who is inclined to be shy leads to physical weakness and fatigue, the occurrence of muscle clamps, stoop.

Based on the above consequences of shyness, it becomes obvious that it is necessary to fight it.

Shyness leads not only to negative feelings of fear and insecurity, but also reduces social adaptation, significantly affects the mental and physical level of personality development.

What to do?

Psychologists have developed exercises by which a person will understand how to stop being afraid of people, reduce the general level of anxiety and the tendency to be shy in relationships with people and overcome their shyness.

  1. In any communication situation, when you start to be afraid of others, remember that shyness is an ordinary feeling that does not have objective reasons. It arises on the basis of the subsequent feeling by a chain of thoughts - I will be funny, I look ugly, I will not be able to speak with dignity, I am afraid to answer, etc. And all this happens in your mind, although in reality everything may look exactly the opposite. Always keep this in mind when you start to be shy or afraid of people.
  2. Act contrary to the feeling of shyness. Try to get to know new people more and talk openly about your feelings.

Each time, acting overpowering your fears, you put in the "piggy bank" of your consciousness a new positive experience, on which your courage and confidence in relations with people will subsequently be built.

  1. Learn to talk and answer, thinking only about your goal of communication, discarding all other thoughts. Forget everything “what if”. Keep in mind only your goal and options for achieving it.
  2. When communicating with people, avoid excessive politeness and a large number of introductory phrases. Build a conversation clearly and do not “mumble”. Learn to speak a little, but on business.
  3. In moments of particular anxiety and fear, use breathing techniques. In yoga, they are actively used and help to manage your condition and minimize constraint.

Why people are shy - the main reasons

Before studying how not to be shy, we will understand what exactly is meant by the concept of “shyness”. All shy people are divided into two groups - those who are embarrassed in public and in front of themselves. According to the study of Paul Pilkonis, in the first case, a person’s feelings influence his actions, and those, in turn, influence the opinion of other people about him, which is embodied in relation to the shy. In the second case, a person tends to hide his true feelings and spends a lot of emotional energy on maintaining an external illusion of self-confidence.

Both types are caused by a state of mind that causes constrained, tense, and awkward public behavior. There are several opinions on the reasons for personality researchers:

Raymond Kettel’s modern conception says that the tendency to be shy is inherited - it’s an inborn quality that needs to be learned to restrain,

the classics of behaviorism saw the reason for shyness in the absence of the necessary social skills - having mastered certain behavioral tools, you can stop being embarrassed,

neurobiologists and other doctors see medical reasons - sometimes people are shy due to chronic mercury poisoning affecting the nervous system, as well as a deficiency of serotonin, dopamine and the resulting neurotransmitter metabolism in the brain,

psychoanalysts believe that constraint is an external expression of deep-seated contradictions in the psyche,

sociologists and sociopsychologists believe that people begin to feel embarrassed because of the external limiting attitudes of society and the conviction of their own shyness.

Overcoming Constraint: A Step-by-Step Plan

Regardless of the reason, there is only one consequence - we are embarrassed to be the initiators of the conversation, we cannot speak clearly, loudly and confidently, assert our rights, get to know each other. To overcome the burdensome constraint, you must first tell yourself that it is not an objective threat, but only a feeling, a reaction of your own body, which can and should be controlled. To stop being embarrassed, experts recommend acting step by step.

Having told yourself that there is a problem, you need to make a list of the most common uncomfortable situations that happen to you. Honestly analyze your behavior and write down what you remembered - very specifically. Indicate the people who make you awkward (strangers, bosses, etc.), the environment in which you were shy. Then, on a separate sheet, make a list of situations in order from the most severe discomfort to the least (or vice versa). This will be the action plan - you need to start from the least problematic position and move "on the rise."

The next stage is the formulation of a clear goal, which will help you quickly learn confidence, overcome problems and cope with the most awkward situation. Now you can start training to overcome constraint:

reprogramming yourself: remember in which situations you are most embarrassed, and try to act “on the contrary” - if you don’t like noisy parties, go to the thick of things, if you are shy in a conversation, ask your interlocutor questions,

“Warming up” before an important conversation: if you are shy, first practice those who cause you less embarrassment, and then move on to the person you need,

training in a new environment - it helps to relax, makes life more diverse, in addition, in an unusual environment, many are embarrassed, and you will not look the most awkward and sandwiched.

In parallel, make another list - with your strengths. This will help support self-esteem if it becomes difficult for you to speak in public or insist on your own. We also need to recall the weaknesses, “turning” them in a positive way - for example, if you find it difficult to talk, you can be an excellent listener, and people appreciate it.

One of the main rules for those who want to stop being embarrassed is communication skill training. It is necessary, even overcoming fear, to use every opportunity to enter into a conversation with people, especially strangers. You can hone your speaking skills at random passers-by. You are unlikely to see this person again, so what are you afraid of? It is important not to notify about your shyness, otherwise you will fix your own negative attitude, it will be more difficult for you to stop being embarrassed in the future.

What to do?

Psychologists have developed exercises by which a person will understand how to stop being afraid of people, reduce the general level of anxiety and the tendency to be shy in relationships with people and overcome their shyness.

  1. In any communication situation, when you start to be afraid of others, remember that shyness is an ordinary feeling that does not have objective reasons. It arises on the basis of the subsequent feeling by a chain of thoughts - I will be funny, I look ugly, I will not be able to speak with dignity, I am afraid to answer, etc. And all this happens in your mind, although in reality everything may look exactly the opposite. Always keep this in mind when you start to be shy or afraid of people.
  2. Act contrary to the feeling of shyness. Try to get to know new people more and talk openly about your feelings.

Each time, acting overpowering your fears, you put in the "piggy bank" of your consciousness a new positive experience, on which your courage and confidence in relations with people will subsequently be built.

  1. Learn to talk and answer, thinking only about your goal of communication, discarding all other thoughts. Forget everything “what if”. Keep in mind only your goal and options for achieving it.
  2. When communicating with people, avoid excessive politeness and a large number of introductory phrases. Build a conversation clearly and do not “mumble”. Learn to speak a little, but on business.
  3. In moments of particular anxiety and fear, use breathing techniques. In yoga, they are actively used and help to manage your condition and minimize constraint.

How to “remove” shyness from your life

In addition to certain exercises that reduce situational shyness, allow you to manage your condition and not be shy in communication, psychologists have identified the rules for dealing with life, yourself and other people. Building their lifestyle according to them, the question of how to stop being afraid of people will be closed:

  1. Understand (yourself or with the help of a psychologist) the reasons for your shyness. Where did it come from? Why do you feel shy and afraid and what are the benefits of this? Record the realized awareness and periodically refer to them.
  2. Live with the understanding that people are primarily occupied with themselves, and spotlights are not directed at you.
  3. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Do not forget that there are no ideal people, they are not divided into “good” and “bad” and you are not alone with your problem.
  4. Always find reasons to praise and thank yourself. You need to do this regularly.
  5. Try to communicate more, get acquainted with new opinions, get interested and study others, less “digging” in their own experiences. Propensity to reflection is an important quality, but it is in moderation. Excessive introspection drives you in a circle, moving away from reality and interaction with others. Strive to do, not dream.
  6. Exercise regularly. Movement is the basis of life. Sport allows you to release the accumulated negative energy of fear and anxiety.
  7. Always be prepared for being denied or not appreciated. Understand why this scares you and what is the worst thing that can happen? You should learn to accept the word "no", do not try to please everyone.
  8. Give yourself the right to make a mistake. Perfectionism will be a bad helper for you. Remember, learning something without mistakes is impossible

Only he who does nothing is not mistaken.

  1. Do not lose the opportunity to train your social skills and communicate more. Learn from those who, in your opinion, have dealt with their shyness. Go periodically to train in communication skills or oratory, on them you can learn not to be shy and speak openly about your feelings and desires.
  2. Find comfortable societies for yourself. It’s not worth doing like everyone else - if most people in your environment like to have fun in clubs and socialize at parties, this does not mean that you should do that too.
  3. Always watch what you say and how. Observe the reactions of people. Forget and be distracted from your fear. In moments of anxiety - repeat: "I am not afraid of people, they will not do me anything wrong, I should not like everyone."

Final comments

Shyness reduces our life potential and robs us of many opportunities. This quality of personality has long been recognized in psychology as a problem and is actively being investigated. The ability to communicate is the key to success in social life.

Based on most psychological theories, shyness is not a congenital malformation or a disease.

You can cope with it yourself if you regularly work on yourself. Performing certain exercises when you need to communicate with other people, it is possible to cope with shyness here and now, and by making the above rules the basis of life - enjoy communication and forget about the problem of shyness.

How to not be shy - tips

How, ceasing to be shy, simplify your task? Some tips will help you. The “cleaning screen” technique helps to cope with the negative experience of the past. You need to close your eyes, imagine an unpleasant scene on an imaginary screen and mentally turn your back on it. Then turn to him again and slowly breathe out the air, imagining how, ceasing to be shy, you “wash off” the past from the surface along with negative experiences. Then exhale sharply the remaining air and open your eyes.

Also helps to combat embarrassment:

reduction of criticality towards yourself and others - you will cease to perceive everything too sharply and you will be able to “let go” of the negative, it is easier to praise the interlocutors (this also helps to overcome embarrassment),

focusing on the merits of people, and not on their shortcomings and qualities that are unpleasant to you - you should think less about the bad so as not to be nervous in vain,

tracking the “language” of your body - non-verbal signals are perfectly read, and correct postures and movements help to be less shy.

1. What is the worst that can happen if.

Our fears come real (when something threatens our life and health), and there are - irrational (when we are safe, but come up with all sorts of "horrors"). And the trouble is that the lion's share of fears is just from the realm of fantasy. We just invent it for ourselves, inspire, and then selflessly fear, as in that cartoon about a kitten named Woof.

How can you challenge fear and oppression?

Ask yourself the question: "What is the worst case if."

On the example of a dating situation. You are embarrassed to go up to the person you like and speak. OK. Ask yourself: “What will happen to me if I do this?”

“He / she can refuse, be rude in reply or send.” (Or maybe agree, right? :)

OK. We dig further: "What is the worst that can happen if they refuse us or send us?"

"I will consider myself a failure / last fool (and a person endowed with other" flattering "qualities).

"What is the worst that can happen if I consider myself a loser / complete fool?"

"I will be completely disappointed in myself and in people and will cease to get acquainted with anyone at all"

"What will happen if I stop trusting people and getting to know someone?"

Suppose, "I will live my life as a bob / old maid and die surrounded by 14 cats" (Brrr, so-so perspective.)

2 questions follow from here:

First, and you need it, because of the refusal (which is not a fact of what will happen) - to break your life?

And secondly, if, due to embarrassment, you don’t do this and get to know the person, how will the result differ?

Nothing at all!

You can just as well be alone. Only with an even worse feeling that you didn’t even try to change something and become happy (oh).

Even if you don’t come up, you can still tell yourself that you are a loser / notorious fool who is afraid to go up to the guy.

If you look, the worst expectations are no worse than what we can experience every day because of our constraint.

And if you try? You will at least have a reason to be proud of yourself - as a maximum a positive result.

When we begin to systematically go through all our reasons for embarrassment, we find out that with there is absolutely nothing to cram or the reason for this is minimal.

If we begin to manifest in this world, only positive changes will begin.

2. Tell me NO!

The next stage is a deeper immersion in the feeling of "I was given."

At this stage, the psychologist suggests approaching the person and intentionally
cause him the very worst reaction that you were afraid of. In the simplest version, you need to get “NO” 20-30 times from people during the day. That is, you need to approach people and ask a question that we are most likely to refuse.

If you return to our example, then you can intentionally go on a provocation: “Young man / girl, do I like you so much, let's sleep with you? :) As in the classics of the genre:“ You are attractive, I am damn attractive, why waste time ”? :)

This is just an example, not a guide to action. In a number of cases it’s possible to “get hold of it” :) But you will be surprised, in a number of cases you can also get consent! (I read and looked about several such experiments :) But it's not about immorality and unscrupulousness, it's about to explore the territory of failure and embarrassment to the very "deepest depth".

I talked with people who work in MLM and also asked if they were afraid of failures. “It’s scary - only the first few days or weeks. Then it’s all the same.You know your goal, you need a result, and you just go to it" - I received an answer.

"If you use this exercise, then after a few weeks you will be so confident in yourself as you have never been in your life," says the psychologist.

3. What about infuriating?

The next stage, the psychologist proposes to heat up the situation even cooler to try to provoke the most negative reaction in people.

“You will be surprised, but it is often very, very difficult to bring people out. This only confirms that for the most part people are the sweetest and most positive creatures.In fact, people make contact easily.They do not even need to be manipulated to get what they want. Most often you just have to offer " - says Konstantin Dovlatov.

And if by offering something to a person, you will offer him a win in advance - that which a person himself would like to receive - the results will be amazing. You will become a favorite of many people.

Let's summarize

3 exercises that you should experiment with if you want to get rid of shyness:

1. What the worst will happen if.

2. 3 weeks bounce

3. Try to get the worst response you’re afraid of getting from people.

"After that, you will not have a single drop of shyness!" - the trainer is sure. - " And most likely, your results in all areas will increase sharply because a self-confident person always achieves what he wants. "

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2. Fix your strengths

Another list that will help you in the battle against constraint should relate to your positive qualities. As a rule, the reason for shyness is low self-esteem. Fight mercilessly with her, reminding yourself of your own splendor (this is not a joke).

Try to find the flip side even with flaws. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communicative skill can and should be used.

3. Decide on purpose

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it interferes with for you. It is possible that the stated goal will be the impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Despite the fact that I speak, write and conduct radio shows, in my heart I am an introvert. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. This required me to get out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame my shyness, realizing that only I can ensure the correct presentation of my message. After realizing this fact, I took steps to facilitate public speaking and meeting new people.

4. Train

Skills need to be honed, and habits that interfere with life should be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability, and shyness. Here are a few ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

  • Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that runs in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, are able to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and perform actions opposite to those to which you are accustomed. Want to get into a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Caught yourself thinking that in a conversation you take the position of a dead defense? Try to ask your interlocutor a few questions.
  • Talk to strangers. Try at least once a day to talk with one stranger (preferably with a random passerby). Most likely, you will never see him again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on it.
  • Generally communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to performances, greet those whom you often meet but never greet.
  • Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party, but are afraid to approach him? Practice on those present who cause less constraint. If it’s about acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say to the right person. After such a rehearsal it will be easier to speak.
  • And always get ready for a public appearance. But do not limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. This will give confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Take an interest, ask, empathize. When you focus on another person, anxiety about your own behavior goes by the wayside.

8. Less often say no.

A lot has been said about the importance of the word “no”. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed both by word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say “yes” to the opportunities that life presents.

9. Learn to manage anxiety

Some physiological reactions associated with shyness are very difficult to overcome. Someone begins to stutter, someone - blush violently or forget the simplest words. It is almost impossible to stop this with one effort of will. The ability to quickly relax, for example, with the help of deep breathing, will help to cope with a problem.

Here are a few more articles to take your anxiety management skills to the next level:

10. Do not advertise your shyness

You should not concentrate your and others' attention on the fact that you have communication problems. So you yourself label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your constant trait.

Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that it is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself to strangers as a shy person. Let them make up their own minds and notice other, more interesting features of yours.

Do you know other ways to stop being shy? Talk about them in the comments.

Conclusion

One of the best tips to overcome embarrassment is to develop the ability to speak freely and speak publicly. This helps the study of oratory. School of Anton Dukhovskiy “Oratoris” will help to master this skill and become a confident and effective speaker. You will understand how, ceasing to be shy, to get more from the process of communication, master the techniques of overcoming the fear of the audience and become the “best version of yourself”.

Signs of shyness

Depending on the symptoms, you can determine the degree of phobia development:

  • A person is afraid to meet representatives of the opposite sex.
  • The voice trembles when talking.
  • It is difficult to find the words to answer the question of the interlocutor. The interlocutor carefully considers each proposal.
  • It’s easier to express your thoughts on the Internet than on contact.

The problem may be hiding deeper, appear differently. It all comes down to reducing the number of contacts, unwillingness to make new friends.

Causes of constraint

From the point of view of individual psychology, the rudiments of shyness, uncertainty appear in childhood, when a child first encounters society, notices his difference from other children, draws attention to his shortcomings. At this time, the child especially needs the support of parents, timely socialization. The development of shyness can be stopped, prevented even before it begins.

What is the problem

People’s fear can manifest in various forms - from simple embarrassment when talking with a stranger to panic attacks when in public places. It is very important to determine exactly what the problem is. Psychologists distinguish the following forms of people's fear:

Each of them manifests itself in different ways and is treated in various ways.

Shyness

Shyness is not a type of phobia. However, it has much in common with people's fear. Parents, as a rule, do not see anything wrong with the fact that their child is afraid of strangers, is shy in the new team and tries to avoid other companies in every possible way. They perceive this as a property of character and do not believe that this should be fought. But in vain! This is what happens in adulthood in an overly shy and shy person.

  1. It is difficult for him to start a family, because he is afraid of new acquaintances.
  2. He has practically no friends. His entire social circle consists mainly of close relatives.
  3. He does not know how to defend his opinion.
  4. Often falls into depression, experiencing depression and overall dissatisfaction with his life.
  5. In stressful situations, he thinks unconstructively, becomes distracted and forgetful. Blames himself for everything.
  6. He develops stable muscle clamps, stoop.

As you can see, it is extremely difficult for a shy person to live a full and happy life. Shyness brings a lot of problems and causes missed opportunities.

Sociophobia

Sociophobia is one of the most common anxiety disorders. Each of us at least once in his life experienced its unpleasant symptoms. The first signs of sociophobia can occur even in childhood and then intensify in adolescence. A person suffering from sociophobia, when talking with people, behaves as follows:

  • nervous
  • does not look into the eyes of the interlocutor,
  • answers with difficulty and reluctance,
  • trying to quickly end the conversation.

He is uncomfortable working in a large team. He is not so much afraid of the people themselves as the need to communicate with them. Criticism, negative assessments and judgments, ridicule - that is what the sociophobe is afraid of. It is because of the fear of being rejected, misunderstood or ridiculed that a person avoids public speaking and any communication with strangers. At the same time, he eagerly communicates with relatives and relatives and feels calm in their company.

Anthropophobia

Anthropophobia is translated from ancient Greek as "fear of people." It is considered a neurotic disorder in which a person seeks to avoid society of people in all possible ways. Anthropophobe may be afraid of:

  • a certain person
  • a group of people who share a common characteristic (nationality, hair color, profession, etc.),
  • absolutely all people - and those who know, and strangers,
  • the crowd.

At the moment, more than a hundred varieties of people's fears have been identified. Among them, the following forms are distinguished:

  • Dentophobia - fear of dentists,
  • coulophobia - fear of clowns,
  • xenophobia - fear of strangers, foreigners, strangers,
  • gerontophobia - fear of the elderly,
  • pogonophobia - fear of bearded people.

As you can see, the objects of phobias can be very different, and this complicates the diagnosis of the disease.

When an anthropophobe is near the object of his fear or even just sees it, he begins to feel hostility, anxiety, and severe stress. In especially severe cases, a panic attack develops. Anthropophobia differs by these signs from sociophobia, where the object of fear is attention, attitude and appreciation of people, and not they themselves.

Symptoms of fear of people

The feeling of anxiety and panic that occurs when approaching the object of fear is the main symptom of anthropophobia. In addition to this sign, a person suffering from fear of people is characterized by the following behavior.

  1. He refuses the offered help of strangers, even if he finds himself in a life-threatening situation. At the same time, he himself will never ask anyone to help.
  2. Trying to avoid contact with any people, even relatives.
  3. Refuses to profitable employment only because work involves communication with people. Most often it works remotely or does not work at all.
  4. Leaving the house only as a last resort.At the same time, he chooses deserted streets and the time when there are few people on the street, for example, a very early morning.
  5. It is typical for him to perform the same type of repetitive actions. For example, he shakes his leg, taps his fingers on the table, walks around the room aimlessly, talks to himself, shakes his head, clicks his fingers, etc. The purpose of these actions is to relieve tension.
  6. Afraid to look people in the eye.

In direct contact with the object of fear in a person suffering from fear of people, the following somatic symptoms occur:

  • increased sweating
  • cardiopalmus,
  • difficulty breathing
  • pain in the stomach, head,
  • impaired body coordination,
  • trembling, etc.

Fear of people has 3 stages, differing in severity.

  1. Easy - a person can independently cope with his fear. Experiencing a sense of anxiety, for example, before going to the store, he still pulls himself together and calms down.
  2. Medium - in case of accidental contact with the object of fear, a person experiences a panic attack, aggression may appear, or, conversely, tearfulness, somatic reactions of the body develop. The patient is not able to control his fear.
  3. Severe - a person stops any communication with people, even with relatives. He practically does not leave his house, preferring to remain isolated from society. This form of the disease can only be cured by force.

Do you know the symptoms and forms of people's fear described above? If so, then it's time to get rid of the phobia. Any treatment begins with a correct diagnosis. And also with self-recognition that the problem exists and must be solved. The next important step is to determine the reason for the fear of people.

Causes of Phobia

Fear of people most often develops in childhood. The reasons that provoke the development of phobia are:

  • high demands from the parents for the child,
  • upbringing in harsh authoritarian conditions, accompanied by harsh punishments,
  • excessive criticism
  • humiliation from classmates,
  • shyness and low self-esteem,
  • violent restriction in communication with other people.

In such situations, the child is formed installation that only alone with himself, he is safe. He cannot trust anyone but himself. This attitude remains with him during the transition to adulthood. Subconsciously, he is afraid of disgrace and punishment, because from childhood his parents convinced him that he was doing everything wrong.

The reason for the occurrence of anthropophobia can be experienced suffering from unrequited love, and betrayal, and painful relationships. In this case, the person is afraid to relive this pain. Therefore, he consciously avoids communication and rapprochement with people.

Ways to combat people's fear

There are 3 main ways to combat phobia:

  • drug treatment
  • psychotherapy,
  • self-help.

The choice of treatment depends on the severity of people's fear. Mostly methods are used in combination. Treatment is carried out only as prescribed by a specialist and under his supervision.

Drug treatment

In this method of getting rid of people's fears, the following are used:

  • antidepressants
  • tranquilizers,
  • soothing drugs.

These drugs suppress feelings of anxiety, improve mood. But since they are addictive, take them in courses. After discontinuation of the drug, fear returns again. By themselves, these medicines are not able to cure people's fear. However, they help a person to better perceive psychotherapy, make him more calm and adapted to interact with society.

Prescribing them yourself is strictly prohibited! Otherwise, the situation may deteriorate sharply. Only a competent specialist has the right to prescribe potent antidepressants. He also monitors the patient's condition and conducts appropriate psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy

This is the most effective way to combat phobia. However, not every anthropophobe is able to find the strength in himself to turn to a psychotherapist. After all, a doctor is also a person. In severe forms of phobia, treatment has to be forced. In psychotherapy, the following methods are distinguished.

  1. Psychoanalysis is a rather lengthy process that helps a person find the true cause of people's fear and get rid of it forever. This method is suitable for those who can not independently determine the cause of the phobia. Especially if its roots are in early childhood. In particularly difficult cases, hypnosis is used to identify the cause of fear and eliminate negative attitudes.
  2. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a method that helps people who know the reason for the development of anthropophobia perfectly. Most often, phobia in such people appeared already in adulthood. The therapist lives with the patient in situations that injure him. Then the specialist determines the wrong settings that form fear in the patient’s mind. At the last stage, he teaches a person to cope with his fear.
  3. Paradoxical intention is a radical method of combating fear, which gives the fastest results. A person should want to do what he is very afraid of. In other words, in order to get rid of fear, one must consciously do what scares the most, namely, in contact with people. You need to start with small steps. For example, to begin with, check with a passerby what time it is. This method is very effective, but not for everyone.
  4. Group therapy is a method in which people suffering from anthropophobia learn to interact with each other. Patients, working in a group, train social skills, the ability to communicate with other people. They develop the attitude that people are not dangerous, but rather are able to provide assistance, support and give positive emotions. In such groups, it is easier for the patient to live in frightening situations, such as meeting, speaking in public.

Self help

This method can be effective in the complex treatment of anthropophobia and sociophobia and as an independent way of dealing with shyness. First of all, psychologists advise to understand and accept the following settings.

  1. People are inherently selfish. Each person is occupied only with thoughts about himself, therefore your problems or shortcomings most often they are absolutely not interested in them. Most likely, they don’t even notice the moments that make you complex.
  2. Your attitude towards yourself is transmitted to the outside world. People around him catch it. Therefore, love yourself! Praise your beloved for success and do not blame for mistakes.
  3. You will not be able to please everyone. And this is normal. All people are different, each has its own interests and tastes. Nothing catastrophic will happen if you receive a denial. Try to take the word “no” calmly. This is not at all scary. There are a huge number of people on the planet. And you will surely find yourself a wonderful conversationalist.
  4. You have the right to make a mistake. It is impossible to learn anything without making mistakes.

Awareness and acceptance of these attitudes is an important step towards getting rid of excessive shyness and a mild form of sociophobia. But theory without practice does not work. The next step is practical exercises. Here is what you need to do.

  1. Master breathing techniques and simple relaxation methods that help you quickly calm down.. Similar techniques are described in detail in psychology books. One of them is called the “rule of four” and helps to restore breathing. It is necessary to take a breath in 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 counts and again hold your breath for 4 seconds.
  2. Chat and meet new people. Easier said than done. But overcoming yourself, you become more confident and bold in communicating with people. During the conversation, pay more attention to your interlocutor, what he says, how he reacts to your phrases. Drive away all sorts of thoughts like: “what if I look ridiculous”, “oh, I think I’ve stupid again”, etc. Do not dig in. Focus on the conversation.
  3. Overcome fear gradually. Most people with phobias prefer an avoidance strategy. After all, it’s much easier to shut yourself away from what you fear than to consciously overcome your fear. Therefore, make a list of 10 situations that you are afraid to get into. Go through them starting with the easiest.
  4. Visit online support groups. There are many communities on the Internet where people share their fears. In response, they receive words of support and approval. It helps to understand that you are not the only one. And people are mostly friendly.
  5. Work on negative thinking.. In moments of anxiety, negative thoughts arise in the head, for example, "everyone sees that I can’t do this, and they laugh at me." These thoughts need to be tracked and the attitude changed. Instead, you should think: “People are kind to me, and I am doing everything I can, and that’s enough.”
  6. Do sports. Physical activity positively affects not only the body, but also the human soul. Well-being improves, hormones of happiness are produced, stress passes.

These are far from all ways of dealing with shyness and fear of people. You will see even more effective methods in the next video. I highly recommend watching it.

Reasons for shyness

Sometimes the discomfort of timid people is accompanied by panic. There are a number of reasons for shyness:

  • Congenital character traits. From an early age, introverts have modesty, timidity, isolation, and slowness, as opposed to extroverts.
  • An example of parents. Children of shy people with complexes tend to change these traits and problems.
  • Parenting. The feeling of insecurity in a family affects difficulties in relationships with other people and the world around them. Parents who are used to distrusting others also fill their children's lives with a lot of restrictions and taboos. In addition, some mothers and fathers hinder the independent knowledge of the world and do not let the child go away. Such children form a habit of being in a safe environment, and the desire to communicate outside the comfort zone and new discoveries disappears. It does not contribute to emancipation and an abundance of criticism in the family, constant humiliation and so on.
  • Low self-esteem. This is often why shyness arises. Low self-esteem implies self-doubt, understatement, problems with full communication and partial or complete inability to make decisions and participate in important actions for one’s own life.
  • Uneducation and fear of getting into an awkward situation.
  • All kinds of complexes.
  • Conformity. Dependence on the opinions of others.
  • Timidity.
  • Fear. Many are afraid of condemnation, rejection or misunderstanding.
  • Loneliness and isolation from society. Some people lack the basic skills needed to communicate freely.
  • Closure.
  • Psychological trauma.

Knowing the factors can help get rid of shyness. If this is not just normal embarrassment, shyness must be removed, step by step changing it to self-confidence, freedom of speech and action, according to one’s heart and mind.

Advantages and disadvantages

As in any phenomenon, in constraint you can find both pros and cons. We are talking about shyness as a property of character, and not the result of complexes and injuries. Among the benefits of modest people:

  • They do not stand out from the crowd. A peculiar mask of shyness helps them to remain anonymous.
  • High sensitivity. The friendship and love of such people is deeper and stronger, because it is much more difficult for them to trust, open up and express their feelings. The strength of the latter is powerful, and on the eve of this tsunami, shy people conduct a thorough analysis to decide whether to open up to a potential comrade or partner.
  • Refinement and aristocracy. It is these qualities that humble people often possess. Because of their shyness, they seem serious, reliable, and unable to cause others pain or harm.
  • Self-criticism and the ability to more adequately evaluate your "I".
  • Humble personalities listen more than talk (and this is a valuable ability that can bribe almost anyone), they are non-conflict.
  • Caution. Timid boys and girls are less vulnerable and more attentive unlike other people.

In addition, they are choosy in choosing a circle of friends. And also shyness strengthens family relationships and sometimes influences the sensation of sex (for example, many men are more aroused by shy women). List of shortcomings of the constrained people

  • The tendency to the world of illusions - dreams, fantasies, books and films. This in itself is not bad, if only shy individuals can adequately assess reality and do not escape to other universes from this “cruel” world. Lack of an adequate assessment of people, relationships and other things leads to deceit and more terrible problems.
  • Such people do not have enough assertiveness and arrogance that facilitate the achievement of success in any field.
  • Shyness deprives classical forms of relaxation and sources of joy: dancing, singing and, in general, expressing emotions. And unplanned feelings accumulate in a timely manner and ultimately lead to neurosis and depression.
  • Inability to say no. Therefore, others often use this and ask for money in debt, which they will return soon or never at all, or shift their duties and work tasks.
  • Problems with personal life. Despite the fact that modest girls are often interested in men, nevertheless more often and more attention is given to self-confident girls who can easily be liberated. And modest guys are even more difficult, because, as a rule, they should be the leaders in the relationship.
  • Excessive sensitivity and vulnerability. Shy people take everything to heart: any criticism or comment.

Another minus is the difficulty in solving problemsfor which communication with outsiders is necessary. Likewise, shyness is not the best assistant in career growth, because people who possess it are simply not noticed.

Ways to Overcome

Today, many books have been written, films made, and psychologists advised in order to stop being shy.. 8 life hacks to learn to be more confident in yourself:

  • Motivation: promotion, a dream to sing in public or a loved one.
  • A change of scenery. You need to constantly move, include walking and travel in the daily routine. It is also important to create unusual conditions and situations for yourself.
  • Fighting fears. A list of situations and cases in which constraint is a hindrance is recommended. For example, “speak with a stranger on the street”, “give a talk in a pair” or “sign up for a model school”. Then you need to do what scares. If it’s difficult, you can start with small steps - that which will be easiest.
  • Smile. It symbolizes a positive, laid-back and self-confident person. You should start from the mirror, then smile at your relatives, neighbors, passers-by and colleagues. Smiling is necessary to look into the eyes of another person. Most often, people reciprocate. This method raises mood and self-confidence.
  • Speak slowly, small and loudly. You can try classes in a theater club or practice on your own.
  • Diary of observations. Psychologists advise to start a notebook and record every situation that provoked anxiety and embarrassment. After that, you need to analyze what happened and take the necessary actions so that the situation does not happen again.An excellent and universal illustration is the request to stop the minibus. It is necessary to write down the reason, evaluate the embarrassment in points and find a way to get rid of the problem: “Reason - people will pay attention, and suddenly something will be said in the wrong or wrong tone. The level of embarrassment is 6 out of 10. The way to get rid is to set aside time on the day off to take a ride on five different minibuses and talk to the driver in each. Then make it a habit. ”
  • Group thematic trainings to combat shyness and other sections where you will need to constantly communicate with people.
  • Constant communication with passers-by. You can ask how to get to the nearest supermarket or what time is it. It is recommended to practice every day from 10 to 30 times.

It is equally important to love yourself. Self-confident people are by no means ideal, but they know how to accept themselves as they are and love themselves like no one else. For them, to worry about the gap between the teeth, short stature or burr is a meaningless exercise that such people don’t even think about. The best way to join these personalities is to get rid of their complexes.

Other life hacks

Continuing the list of how to learn not to be embarrassed, you should pay attention to the opinions of others, nonsense, strengths and management of anxiety. More about these and other methods:

  1. Sense of humor. Its presence and development is a good helper in both ordinary and extreme situations.
  2. Others do not care. In most cases, all people are preoccupied with themselves and for them it does not matter the excitement of others, their clothes or anything else. It is pointless to worry about those for whom a person is indifferent.
  3. Sport. Boxing, swimming or football is not only about a healthy and beautiful body, but also about a seasoned spirit and raising self-esteem.
  4. Learning from the experience of others.
  5. Stupidity and harshness. You can offer a walk to the person you like. Or radically change the image. Buy yourself a motorcycle. Anything.
  6. Strengths It is recommended to make a list of positive qualities. The pros can be found even in the flaws. For example, a person experiences difficulties in conducting monologues and dialogues, but he is an excellent listener. This is a very significant communication skill that will come in handy in life more than once. You need to deal with flaws, regularly reminding yourself of your splendor.
  7. Do not focus on shyness or label. Even if the interlocutor notices difficulties, one should not be ashamed of oneself and talk about this as a serious problem. It is important to let new acquaintances form their own opinion about the person and notice other, more positive and interesting features.
  8. Language of the body. There are a number of signs that tell others about openness and self-confidence: a strong handshake and smile, clear and loud speech, correct posture and eye contact. However, these are signals not only for interlocutors, but also for their own brain. This is his peculiar deception, which allows you to feel more comfortable and free.

The next step to defeating shyness is focusing on others. One of the factors that provokes the occurrence of shyness is the concentration on oneself and the impression made on others. Psychologists advise redirecting the energy and flow of thoughts to other people, asking questions, empathizing and interested. Thus, excitement due to one's own behavior becomes secondary.

Bonus tips and help from specialists

While some experts insist on the advisability of rejecting the word “no”, others recommend saying “yes” as often as possible. And both groups of scientists are right. About this and other very affordable and effective methods of dealing with excessive modesty:

  • "Yes". In the case of shy people, the refusal is usually explained by an unreasonable fear of failure and obscurity. One must learn to accept the opportunities that life offers.
  • Alarm management. Thematic literature or, for example, the deep breathing technique helps to cope with this problem.
  • Novelty. Every day the freedom fighter should consist of new things.
  • Visualization. If you imagine how a person acts in a certain situation in all the details, you can feel the power and self-confidence.

In some cases, shyness becomes painful, and a person (one in ten on the planet) needs qualified help. If shyness begins to cross all boundaries, You must select one of the options for assistance:

  • Psychologists.
  • Group trainings.
  • Coaches.
  • Thematic positive films about successful overcoming of constraint and various achievements.
  • Special books with practical tips.

Shyness is a fairly common occurrence among people of all ages and nationalities. Shyness has a number of reasons (genetics, parenting, low self-esteem, complexes, fears), as well as disadvantages and even advantages. But there are still more minuses, so many are trying to deal with the problem. For this, there are many tips from psychologists, trainings, subject literature and films. The main thing to remember is that it can take more than one month to get rid of shyness. But if you act step by step, then everything will surely work out.

Watch the video: How To Stop Being Shy And Quiet - 12 Tips To Overcome Shyness (April 2020).