In our modern time, cheating on her husband is not so rare. Most representatives of the stronger sex consider this business to be quite normal and without a twinge of conscience, they change their halves to the right and left.
After any betrayal of her husband, family relations are no longer as stable as before. They become very shaky, even despite the fact that the husband changed his behavior and began to behave completely differently.
According to statistics, every man at least once in his life thought of treason. According to psychologists, even one thought of treason can affect the behavior of men. If this happens, and you find out that your spouse is cheating, you will definitely face the question of what to do now and how to be?
It’s very difficult for any man, even the most powerful woman, to betray his man’s betrayal, because for her, male infidelity is a very big pain, a kind of internal explosion, up to a lack of air and spiritual emptiness.
Usually, every woman reacts to adultery differently, depending on her psychotype., nature and attitudes. But what if the changes in your family are permanent? How to behave if the husband is constantly changing, but does not intend to leave the family?
Why does a man act like that? What pushes him to this? What should a woman do in such a stressful situation for her? How to gain strength in order to withstand such a strong blow?
Reasons why a man is cheating on his wife or the psychology of cheating
According to psychologists, in fact, men have much more reasons for adultery than is commonly believed. And this does not apply once, which occurred under the influence of alcohol or for a number of other reasons.
This is precisely about systematic betrayal with a mistress, a constant partner, who confidently enters the life of an already held union.
So why does the husband begin to cheat on his legal wife?
As if the wives were indignant that sexual dissatisfaction is such a cause, but it is. According to women, people are rational creatures and living on the level of instincts alone is somehow not entirely reasonable. But alas! That is exactly so. If physical contact is lost between husband and wife, the man will immediately look for him on the side, this is just a matter of time and nothing more.
Emptiness emotionally. Constant household chores, boredom, monotony, sameness and predictability, repeated cycles every day, and a wife, always tired and dissatisfied, with her meager tail on her head, simply bothers a man. A man goes to the one that is filled and will respond to him with ease, charm and adoration.
One of the main reasons for husband’s infidelity is family scandals, jealousy scenes, various reproaches and claims, constant discontent and depreciation of a man, as well as other similar unpleasant moments related to the stronger sex. In this version, the man is looking for cheating on the side precisely because of the unbearable situation at home, which cannot be stopped in any way.
Equally important is the complete or partial indifference to the husband on the part of the wife. Lack of affection, warmth and tenderness. It is even a banal lack of breakfast or words of love and support, as well as mutual hugs. And even if you are a tireless and passionate woman in bed at night, but show coldness and indifference towards her husband during the day, he will still go to another, trying to fill these gaps to the maximum.
Very often a man commits adultery due to the fact that he is having a midlife crisis, and to some extent strives to catch up with his own youth. He needs some way to assert himself that he is still hoo! And capable of much. It can be both successful, successful men, and those who are constantly trying to overcome their complexes.
How to determine whether a husband is cheating or not?
Most women are so arranged that they are used to looking for reasons for jealousy, even where they are absolutely absent. Such behavior, as a rule, affects relations not in the best way, since a husband, tired of endless nit-picking, can at one moment leave his restless wife once and for all.
However, there are details by which you can determine whether your husband walks to the left or not. Not to notice such frank signs will be just to the detriment of every woman, so take a closer look at them:
1. Constant monitoring by a man and suspicion of her infidelity. Why is he doing this? As practice shows, a man who cheats on his wife himself also begins to behave towards her, that is, he begins to be pathologically jealous of his wife for every pillar.
2. If you find that during a sensitive conversation, your spouse looks down, and answers questions only with the same phrases, usually moving into a defensive position, this is also one of the signs that your man is not faithful to you.
3. Another of the signs is a change in your once active sex life. If your husband has become somewhat chill with you, and in intimate affairs almost complete calm has been observed, and your husband is constantly looking for reasons and denies himself, avoiding you, it's time to think carefully about what is happening. Perhaps he really had another woman on the side.
4. Your spouse began to permanently delete all browsing history in browsers from his phone and constantly hides the phone from you? This is another sign that he is hiding something from you. He began to use the password storage assistant to access his pages on the Internet.
Previously, all of his social networks were freely available and always open, including for you now, but now. And he cannot give a clear answer to why the husband has now begun to mess with passwords.
The husband also began to constantly hold his mobile in his hands, not letting him out for a minute, as if he had become an integral part of it: in the toilet, in the kitchen, on the balcony or in the garbage.
5. If you suddenly began to noticethat my husband instead of sitting in the evenings in front of the TV, began to go to the gym, and also began to shave and take care of himself daily, then this is also worth thinking about. Perhaps he is trying to look good for a new woman.
6. You began to notice that your husband has new words in the lexicon, such fabulous and completely unusual phrases? Such new expressions could easily have appeared in him from a new passion.
7. If unexpectedly the husband who absorbed your branded and his favorite roll with great pleasure, suddenly stopped eating it, and the pies dry lonely on the table, it is likely that now he is no less tasty fed in another house.
If suddenly the spouse began to stay late at work, this is not a reason to suspect him or to cause a panic.
Maybe he really goes on increasing in his career or began to give his own business much more time. Nevertheless, if your husband lingers like this and does not pick up the phone and does not answer SMS, and later, when questioned, avoids direct answers, then you should seriously think about this situation.
How to find out that the husband is really cheating?
According to psychologists, these things should not be ignored, but it is better to take a closer look at them:
1. Usually this happens when your fiancé begins to cause scandals to you, in every way provoking you to quarrels, accusing you of all "mortal sins" and far-fetched actions. Such scandals are created, as a rule, in order to successfully leave the apartment, turn off your mobile phone, and then not talk about where he was at that moment.
2. When the size of wages began to decrease significantly, or his expenses quickly crept up.
Note: in order to bring your missus to "clean water", it is strongly recommended that you do not use different listening devices, bugs and other spyware. As a rule, they resort to such actions already in the most extreme cases, when, for example, the husband threatens his wife or categorically gives her a divorce.
You can choose the option - endure. This usually happens if you really love your husband and are not able to part with him. Or you are completely dependent on him financially and you do not have your own housing. You will have to endure, at least until the moment when you can not support yourself independently.
You can forgive a betrayal if it happened once, because it is usually attributed to quarrels in the family or to the weakness of a man. But if this becomes a pattern, then think about whether you are ready to live such a life? After all, even the greatest patience sooner or later comes to an end, as a result, you will still break off such a relationship, only by that time you will be completely exhausted and broken.
First, try to leave for a while, live separately and see how your relationship develops. If the spouse does not intend to make any conciliatory steps towards it, then it is better not to stir up the past, put all your pride in a fist and let it go on all four sides. He wants to - will return.
If you start complaining to everyone, then your relatives, friends, and other "well-wishers" can advise you of various nonsense, for example, to cut off your shoulder and file for divorce without clarifying all the circumstances and reasons. After all, you need to consider that the people whom you will complain will definitely be on your side, which means they will not be able to assess this situation objectively.
You should understand that now the main thing is to concentrate on the relationship with your husband, to identify the reasons that led to this result and try to patch up the holes in them, and not think about your rival or about a place for her. Never compare yourself with her and do not try to meet. Such a chance will give her some advantage over you.
5. Pity yourself
If you begin to feel constant pity for yourself, then this will be the most terrible thing that can ever happen. Try to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, one with which a man can overcome any obstacles. It is these women who attract men, and not whiny lady at all, as is customary to think. So wipe away the tears and never show them to your man.
How to behave to a woman whose husband cheats on her, but does not leave the family
Cheating on a husband is a huge test for any woman. If your husband continues to lie to you even after his betrayal is one hundred percent proven, you must adhere to some specific rules:
1. Try to convey to your missusthat a lie can destroy everything and this is not a clear foundation that can withstand any test of strength.
2. Explain to your spouse that the crisis of treason experienced by you can sometimes even strengthen relationships. According to statistics, most couples who survived adultery claimed that their relationship became better and stronger.
3. As a rule, most Russian women are used to having tantrums with beating dishes and using obscene expressions. These methods usually lead to a lull, but only to a temporary one. Usually the exploits of men after such tantrums only resume with even greater force.
4. Since keeping a negative in yourself is also not worth it, it is best to arrange a thrashing about your spouse, but in words, carefully choosing each expression behind the stream of abuse, without losing its essence. It is best to clearly and carefully formulate his claims to him and, as the affected party, put forward a number of his demands to him.
The main thing is in no case to break down on children, friends and relatives, since they have nothing to do with it and are not to blame for your spouse's infidelity.
What if the husband walks and does not leave the family?
The answer may seem rather strange, but! Any walking husband will be perfectly affected by the oncoming lie, which, as if in a mirror, will allow him to look at his own behavior. Moreover, you may not even take revenge on your spouse with some kind of reciprocal treason.
Just have a party with your old friends or even just spend the night with your girlfriend, but when asked about where you spent that night, tell the same tales that he usually tells you.
Important! If a woman knows about her husband’s betrayals, but prefers to pretend that this does not happen, due to her cowardice or lack of willpower, then as a rule this leads to disastrous consequences and certainly will not help strengthen the marriage ties.
1. Strange deeds
It is impossible not to notice that the behavior of a man becomes completely different. If before he scattered his socks around the house, and it was almost impossible to accustom them to wear them in the laundry basket, now he not only throws them into the machine, but also carefully hangs them to dry.
Or another case: quite unexpectedly, right in the middle of the week, a husband very far from romantic relationships suddenly brings after work a bouquet of gorgeous flowers and your favorite wine, although he didn’t do this even on your birthday before. Maybe the spouse began to spend more time with you, help you with housework and even watch films with you that he did not like before.
Unfortunately, these facts may indicate that your man behaves the way he usually does after a betrayal.
2. Lack of tenderness
The husband began to show you less attention and tenderness in private, in an intimate sense. Because of what can this be observed?
As a rule, this happens because a man is tormented by conscience and he is worried about having betrayed you. That is what can prevent him from gathering at the most crucial moment and being with you a sincere and affectionate partner.
How to find out that a husband is cheating?
Many women like to look for reasons for jealousy even where they cannot be. Such a manner of behavior is detrimental to relationships, and a husband tired of constant suspicions can easily leave a grumpy spouse. However, there are clear signs that the missus is walking to the left, which will not be noticed to his own detriment. Among these signs, it is worth highlighting the following:
- The husband tries to constantly control his wife and suspects her of adultery. As practice shows, pathological jealous people themselves have an increased tendency to adultery.
- During a conversation on sensitive issues, the husband hides his eyes and answers with the same phrases or goes into the defensive position of the prosecutor.
- Change in sexual activity. If in the intimate sphere there is complete calm or low activity of the spouse, this may be due to various factors. However, if he constantly rejects intimacy under fictitious pretexts, it is worth seriously considering his behavior.
- The husband hides the phone and with an enviable regularity deletes sms messages and visit history in all browsers.
If the missus often began to linger at work, do not blow the panic ahead of time. It is possible that he is going up the career ladder or devotes a lot of time to his own business.However, in the event that, while disappearing in the evenings at the service, the spouse does not answer phone calls and SMS messages, after which she comes up with excuses and leaves the direct answer, it is worth taking a closer look at the reasons that caused such metamorphoses. How can I learn about the fact that there is a betrayal of her husband? The psychologist recommends not to go unnoticed by the following factors:
- the husband initiates scandals and quarrels, accusing his wife of far-fetched misconduct. He uses the scandal as an argument, allowing him to leave the house, turn off his mobile phone and not continue to answer questions about his place of residence,
- spouse's wages sharply decreased or his expenses increased.
It is not recommended to use all kinds of bugs, listening devices and other espionage equipment in order to bring the spouse on the side of the spy on clean water. Such methods are resorted to in extreme cases, when the husband does not give a divorce or threatens his wife.
How to behave if the husband changes, but does not leave: the advice of a psychologist
For some people, the craving for deception is so strong that it becomes a habit and turns into a pattern that is very difficult to eradicate. Frank lies are characteristic of men who experience discomfort under the yoke of marriage. The distortion of the truth in itself has a destructive potential, however, if the lie is accompanied by adultery, marriage will not have any chance of a successful continuation.
Adultery is a serious test for any woman. If the husband, confronted with the fact of direct evidence of infidelity, continues to lie, you must adhere to the following algorithm of actions:
- Explain to the unfaithful spouse that a lie is a very shaky foundation that cannot stand any tough test.
- To inform the husband that the crisis associated with treason can strengthen relations. Many couples who managed to survive the adultery claimed that after that their marriage became much stronger.
- For most women, the best solution to such problems is a scandal with obscene expressions and beating dishes. Such methods can lead to a temporary lull, which is very likely to lead to the fact that the "bed feats" of the spouse will resume with renewed vigor.
It is not worth it to keep the accumulated negativity inside of you, therefore it is permissible to arrange a good verbal whirlwind for your husband, choosing expressions and not losing essence behind the stream of abuse. In this case, a more balanced and effective solution will be to most clearly and concisely formulate a list of claims and put forward their claims on the rights of the affected party. It is definitely impossible to break into children, relatives and people from the immediate environment, since it is not they who are the culprits of marital infidelity.
What to do if the husband cheats and lies, but doesn’t want to leave? The advice of a psychologist in such a situation will seem strange to many: it is best for a seasoned reveler to meet a lie that allows him to look at his own behavior in the mirror. It is not necessary to avenge your spouse with reciprocal treason, but you can arrange a meeting with old friends or stay with your best friend at night. To her husband’s questions about the place of stay, you need to tell him any, even the most unbelievable fables.
Important! The role of the martyr, when a woman knows about the infidelity of her husband, but prefers to close her eyes because of the lack of willpower or cowardice, leads to disastrous consequences and does not help the task of strengthening marriage ties.
Male cheating in terms of psychology
Some experts in the field of relations claim that a situation where a husband walks can be wrapped in his favor, strengthening the shaky foundation of marriage. Paradoxical as it may sound, betrayal can return the relationship to its former passion and spiritual intimacy with a partner. The advice of an experienced psychologist about what to do if the husband has changed is reduced to a confidential dialogue with the second half.
Mutual frankness, an open conversation will help to find out the reasons for the spouse's actions and with a high probability will be pushed to a mutual intention to start a joint life from scratch. From the point of view of psychology, the mistake is to hide one’s awareness, because this implies the loss of mutual trust between partners.
Many women do not know how to behave with a husband who has changed, so they choose a wait-and-see tactic, hoping that the problems will be resolved by themselves. In this approach, there is a rational kernel. Frank male confessions of a romantic adventure are most often isolated instances of infidelity.
If a married guy has entered into sexual relations with another, then he is only one of the 90% of family men who have at least once done this. Statistics show that one third of 10% of married men who did not dare to take decisive actions thought about sexual relations on the side.
The consequences of male adultery for women
In most cases, when a woman finds out about her husband’s love relationship with another, she subconsciously experiences fear not of the fact of betrayal itself, but of its consequences:
- Decrease in self-esteem.
- Loss of confidence in their attractiveness.
- Threat to family well-being.
- The probability of loss of material support from the husband.
For many men, casual communication on the side is an insignificant adventure, which does not forget the representative of the stronger sex that he is an attractive and attracted female attention alpha male. This is a peculiar way to maintain a high opinion of yourself in the eyes of others and your own. A real threat to family happiness can be long-term relationships with one partner, which indicate a spiritual connection in addition to physical attraction.
If a husband cheats with different women, this means that he is connected with a temporary partner only by sex, the opportunity to experience a sense of novelty and satisfy physical needs. As a rule, such men do not abandon their wives and families, remain wonderful family men, take care of loved ones, and value family values highly. In such cases, if the wife finds out that the husband is cheating, sometimes it’s better not to do anything and behave as if nothing had happened.
Perhaps the lovers readily go to bold experiments in bed, and this attracts a man who is tired of monotonous sex with his wife. You can try to influence the situation by having a romantic evening by candlelight, offering your spouse unusual options for intimacy. It is not necessary to turn into a porn star to make sex life diverse. Enough to change:
- A place. Instead of bed, choose a bathroom, car, elevator or other acceptable option.
- Clothing. Instead of a nightgown, prefer sexy, spectacular underwear.
- Weasels. Instead of the usual prelude, offer your partner any acceptable options that are offered in abundance and described in detail in specialized Internet sources.
Even if all efforts were in vain and the husband continues to cheat and lie, a woman in some cases is better not to do anything that could provoke a scandal and subsequent divorce. Spouse's lovers will never become a serious threat to the family, as long as his interest is based only on physical attraction. Sexual passion quickly fades away, and with it, interest in another passion disappears.
Signs that the husband is cheating
If you have doubts that the husband is cheating and lying, you need to make sure of your guesses so as not to be unfounded, like an ordinary absurd woman. It is easiest to openly talk about your doubts, but if he does not admit, you should pay attention to the signs that most often indicate that the man has a lover. How does a man behave if he changes:
- Often delayed at work. At the same time, he cannot explain why he had to stay out of class, he speaks vaguely, without going into details, limiting himself to general phrases.
- Returns from work in a state of mild intoxication. A meeting with friends can be ruled out, because a male company is characterized by the use of alcohol without restrictions. If a man looks like he drank 1-2 glasses of cognac, it is more likely that this happened on a romantic date, and his lover was his company.
- Forgets memorable dates (moment of meeting, wedding anniversary).
- Does not wear a wedding ring.
- Under any pretext, he refuses physical intimacy with his wife, often refers to fatigue after a working day.
- Dramatically changing behavior. It becomes irritable or, on the contrary, excessively soft and caring, feeling guilty. Suddenly carried away by a new hobby, which requires frequent absences from home.
- Changes the image. He is interested in men's fashion, buys branded items, makes a stylish haircut in the best hairdresser.
- Reduces its contribution to the family budget, motivating the act by increasing third-party expenses. He has significantly increased costs for the maintenance of the machine, which, according to him, began to break down frequently, and for other needs.
The smell of perfume, traces of lipstick on clothes are obvious signs that indicate the presence of another woman in the life of a man. It will be possible to find out how real and justified the suspicions are during a confidential, calm conversation with a partner.
Reasons for treason
Statistics show that in 80% of cases, women initiate a divorce. This is exactly how many wives behave when they change their husband, often forgetting about such important things in family life as love, mutual understanding, the ability to give and forgive. Men are conservative by nature, they do not like to change anything dramatically without good reason.
If he deceives and secretly meets his mistress, perhaps it is an attempt to compensate for the internal dissatisfaction that arose due to misunderstanding and lack of appreciation in the family. The main reasons that prompt him to lie and seek solace in the arms of his mistress:
- A man does not take relationships with other women seriously. In this case, romantic meetings on the side are a way of self-assertion, an opportunity to emphasize your high status, relevance and significance.
- Dissatisfaction with an intimate life with a spouse. If the wife often has a headache, she is not ready for new experiments, refers to physical closeness according to generally accepted stereotypes, the husband may eventually lose sexual interest in the once-desired partner.
- Adverse psychological climate in the family. If regular scandals and recriminations have become the norm, the man subconsciously seeks a comfortable place where you can relax and take a break from work and eternal problems.
- Middle age crisis. The dubious feats in the intimate sphere of the stronger sex are often pushed by awareness of the inevitable aging, loss of physical strength and male attractiveness.
- The need for thrills, vivid emotions. Often, guys see external communication as their own achievement, victory, success. The risk, the prospect of an exciting adventure, the opportunity to boast of victory in front of friends often push young, insecure guys to take such adventures.
- Work related to frequent business trips of husband or wife. Long separation from the other half provokes the search for a new sexual partner.
The only reason for betrayal that really threatens marriage is a strong love, spouse's passion for another woman. Even in such a situation, a wise wife, if she wishes, will be able to save her family without inciting conflict, without reproaching her husband and making demands, remaining faithful to her husband and devoted to family values.
What to do
Psychologists advise not to make hasty decisions if a woman finds out that her husband is cheating, and does not know what to do. As practice shows, even strong and happy families are not immune from periods of crisis. You can succumb to an emotional impulse and commit rash acts that you have to regret for the rest of your life.
And you can approach the solution to the problem without unnecessary emotions, find out the reasons for the cooling of relations with your spouse and try to correct the situation by saving the family in this way. In addition, the scandal provoked by a cheated wife will push her husband into the arms of her lover, where he will not have to experience psychological discomfort and pressure.
Before arranging trials on elevated tones, it is worth considering that such behavior will help your opponent get your man, who might not even be going to leave his family. When a woman asks what to do if her husband is cheating on me, psychologists recommend first of all to indulge in an analysis of the situation, to try to understand its causes.
Do not blame the man who went on a walk because he does not find support and understanding at home. A person seeks psychological comfort. When a husband gets what he wants out of the house, he cheats and does not consider himself guilty, because he thinks he deserves personal happiness, like all other people. What to do if your husband cheats on you and you want to keep your family:
- Take a look at the situation with humor, turn unpleasant moments into a joke. If we consider the disagreements that occur as an unfortunate misunderstanding, it is easier to come to an understanding and ability to forgive each other.
- Accept the situation, cope with negative emotions and pain. However difficult it may be at this moment, one must remember that empty experiences are not constructive and will not bring relief. To think over everything, make important decisions for yourself, and develop a plan to achieve the intended goal are paramount tasks in such a case.
- Think about the pros. A positive attitude will help to find positive moments even in such difficult life circumstances. Examples of possible “pluses” are useful skills in overcoming stress, training in endurance and self-control, the ability to understand the reasons for cooling relations with a spouse and correct mistakes in a timely manner.
- Learn to understand the husband, take into account his desires and needs. The ability to take the side of another and look at the situation through his eyes is often useful in future life when resolving conflicts not only in the family, but also at work or with friends.
If it is impossible to save the family, the spouse is determined and intends to build a relationship with another woman, it is better to do what you would like to do with you - to let go. Trying by force or blackmail to keep a man is a thankless task. And the results of such actions will eventually turn against you in the form of a shaky nervous system, a drop in self-esteem, despair and inner disharmony.
Some women justify their desire to keep their spouse at all costs by having common children who need a father. Parental divorce does not mean losing a father to a child. Children are more likely to grow up balanced, adequate people if they see their father only on weekends than in a house where scandals and quarrels occur daily, an atmosphere of hatred and enmity reigns.
If the man cheated, and the wife decided to forgive him and behave as before, you need to adhere to the chosen position and not remind the spouse of the mistake made, especially not to blame him. A happy marriage is kept in balance through joint efforts. Truly happy are not those couples who do not face problems, but those who can overcome crisis moments. What to do so that the husband does not change:
- Love and praise your man.
- Create a cozy, comfortable space in the house where you would always like to return.
- To monitor the appearance, care for hair and skin, improve the figure, develop creatively and intellectually.
- To be gentle, loving and at the same time mysterious, preserving the intrigue and remaining unpredictable for the partner in the good sense of the word.
It is not difficult for a woman who follows these rules to always be desired and loved. Husbands rarely cheat on such wives, and if this happens, they do it so neatly and inconspicuously that the other half does not even know about an accidental affair.
To do the right thing and not regret the choice made, when it became known about the betrayal of the beloved man, you need to take your time, figure out the situation, try to understand the reasons for his behavior. A thoughtful, balanced approach to solving the problem will help to avoid serious mistakes. The deceived smart woman herself chooses to forgive the cheated spouse or break up with him, but only after she realizes the consequences of her decisions.
Sometimes a woman takes on some kind of martyrdom. What I mean by this: that is, she knows about infidelity, practically has complete information (who this woman is, where and when her husband meets her mistress), but she is silent. She doesn’t say anything, thereby humiliating herself in both her eyes and his. Even if the marriage is eventually saved, then this happens with a huge moral loss on the part of the woman, and there can be no question of any family happiness. Silence is impossible. Often a woman is afraid that if you start to sort things out, much less put an ultimatum, your beloved will leave. But according to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start of sexual relations with another woman, then out of 100 traitors, only eight leave the family! Men do not like radical changes, they are afraid of them. Moreover, of the eight departed, four come back. Therefore, there is no need to experience wild fear that he will leave and never return.
Of course, if a woman begins to suspect infidelity and strongly presses on her beloved, causes tantrums and scandals, the man will want to get away not even from her, but from these scandals. Most of all, men value comfort and peace in the family. Do not want this, do you want to build a relationship further, do you have the strength to step over a difficult stage in your life together? Then you need to be calm, friendly and confident.
2. “Good people”
Often, women learn about the betrayal of a loved one from "well-wishers." In order to understand how to act in such a situation, you need to decide what you will do if it is truly true. Play the situation in your head, discarding the emotions of resentment as much as possible. Are you ready to understand and forgive treason? If you are ready, then all gossip and denunciation should be treated accordingly. Does anyone say that? In such a situation, a woman should never express her fears to a man, because she has decided that she remains. And if you stay, what's the difference, did he have anything with the secretary or not? It’s much easier to live with the thought that there really was nothing, and over time you will simply forget about this situation.
If you are not ready to forgive and stay in the family, then before you blame your loved one, be sure to clarify some points, that is, you do not have to take a word of faith to the people who informed you of the betrayal, you only need reliable facts. The fact that, for example, someone mistook your husband’s colleague for a lover, does not mean that he is sleeping with her, perhaps this is just flirting. Let's not forget that many women also love to flirt, but this does not lead to anything. Therefore, do not wind yourself.
3. Meeting with a lovemaker
Such meetings have absolutely no meaning, especially if you want to tear out a tuft of hair from your mistress and show who is the boss in the house. Men are so arranged that they necessarily feel guilty. Oddly enough, it invigorates them. If there is a wife and a mistress, he will be especially guilty before any of them.
When his wife escorts him to work, kisses him on the nose, gives lunch, a little son who looks like him runs out right there, claps his eyes and says: “Daddy, I will wait for you”, he feels guilty before his wife and family. When after all this he comes to his mistress, he will even have sex with her with a sense of guilt before his wife, and, in the end, such meetings will come to naught. But if a woman says: “Hey, where are you going? To be at 8 at home, ”she gives him a negative charge. This is what a mistress needs, who, after such “gentle” instructions, will affectionately tell him: “Don’t worry, it's okay, she just doesn’t understand you.” And if the wife also calls him to check, and the “caring and sensitive” lover, without showing discontent, quietly helps to open the window, as if he is driving in a traffic jam, at that moment he will begin to feel guilty already in front of her. It is this woman who helps him in everything, accepts him as he is, and therefore loves him. Feeling guilty before a mistress is the collapse of marriage.
So, if the wife does come and starts tearing hair at the woman’s home, then at the moment when the husband comes again to his passion, she will tell him with wounded hair and sad eyes: “Nothing, nothing, Kolya, I understand everything, I understand everything, same woman. " Everything, a lover for him is a hero, she is well done. And you can forget about the hysterical wife in general.
4. Treason for treason
Such a reaction reminds me of an expression: in spite of the conductor I will buy a ticket and I won’t go. In the pursuit of revenge in most cases, you will only punish yourself. Cheating on a husband or loved one is always a very big tragedy, because it is a betrayal. But you need to understand that when a woman leaves, for example, at a resort in order to forget herself and go into all sorts of difficulties, in fact, at this moment she doesn’t need sex, but to feel that someone needs her, that she another woman, that she is sexy, that they can love and want her. As you know, a short affair will give all this for a very short time. When a woman arrives home after an experienced romance romance or just some dubious relationship, she will feel apathy because she will understand that her husband has left and her lover just used it. After a short affair, a woman rarely has the feeling that she used the man for her own purposes, usually comes the realization that he used it as a toy. Therefore, one should not go to such an experiment, it will not help solve the problem, and perhaps only exacerbate it.
5. Forgiveness must be earned
When you immediately forgive a man for treason, he understands what is the main value of your life, which means that he can go left again and you will forgive him again. Therefore, you need to arrange a grand theatrical performance in order to hang a sense of guilt on the cheater, and he really deserves it. As I said, the main thing is to do it without scandals, quietly and calmly. You can roar and talk out with your mother or friends, but then come and calmly say: “You know, dear, you think and do something for our relationship.” It is necessary to bring a loved one to ensure that he again began to seek you.
Men like to say the phrase: "Let's start all over again." So tell him: “Come on, courting you, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I can still not go on a date, because my mother did not let me go” and so on. If you decide to start all over again, then again you should have a bouquet-candy period. Let the delinquent spouse give gifts, gain attention, kneel. But after you have forgiven him, never again remember this case of treason. Even in a comic form: “Hee hee hee, where did you go to Zina?” - forget about it. You have to make a decision once. Farewell - it means everything from scratch, without reminders of the mistakes of the past. Do not forgive - part and file for divorce.
After the spouse commits adultery, this can greatly affect his behavior, as he is tormented by remorse when he returns home. He may become withdrawn or he may have a bad mood and all this is the result of some stress and painful experiences.
Therefore, you should be careful with certain conclusions, since this does not mean at all that your spouse continues to cheat on you.
4. A man is bored
Being near you, a man begins to be frankly bored, especially if with some other woman he was always fun and at ease. And the longer all this goes on, the more complete indifference towards you will be noticeable.
If your spouse is not at all interested in you, your hobbies or some holidays, it does not bother to think about what exactly happened. And the thing is that the man, probably having cheated on you, received a surge of such vivid emotions that he certainly wants to experience again.
5. He became unbalanced
After the adultery has occurred, the spouse may be irritated and unrestrained towards you. It can start up just like that, for no reason at all out of the blue and constantly makes you different comments. Between you quite often scandal and quarrels began to brew.
In this case, there can be only one solution for you. - once again not to anger your spouse and showing him the lion's share of patience, try to behave calmly enough. You can even show all your tenderness, affection and attention. If in this case, your husband’s behavior will not change in any way, then he probably has another woman on the side in a certain way.
How should a woman behave?
If it so happened that you were left alone, then perhaps the time has come to spend a great deal of internal work on yourself.
First of all, you need to accept your pain. Let all your negative emotions go out in any way you can. This will later allow you to pacify them. And this will be the beginning of your new journey.
Fully concentrate on something positive, drive away all grievances and thoughts, both about the opponent, and generally any negative, try to completely let go of the grudge. Try to forgive your offenders. This is very difficult, but also very important, especially for you.
Try to continue to live a full life no matter what. Go in for sports, go for a walk on a fresh vacation, meet friends and enjoy life.
Do not look for excuses for your husband’s behavior. Just take for granted what happened. That is what should have been your experience in life. You got it, now go on to get a new one and don’t think about anything.
As soon as you feel the strength in yourself to live on, break off or restore relations, immediately everything will go as it should.
Psychology of male adultery
According to statistics, the topic of male adultery affects about 70% of families. Psychologists say that there are more reasons for craving for another woman than is commonly believed. And this does not apply to a one-time affair under the influence of a large amount of alcohol - we are talking about a permanent partner, a lover, who is part of the life of the union. Why does a married man begin to cheat on his wife?
- Sexual dissatisfaction. Wives are indignant when it is this reason that is voiced, because people are sentient beings who are not peculiar to live at the level of instincts. Alas! If physical contact between spouses is lost - the man will find him on the side, this is only a matter of time.
- Emotional emptiness. Boredom, predictability, constant household chores, monotony, cyclical, forever tired wife with a scanty tail on her head. Men go away to change where it is saturated, but easy.
- Scandals, claims, reproaches, jealousy, suspicions and other negative aspects. Here, cheating is of a different nature: the husband leaves precisely the tense atmosphere in the house.
- Indifference, lack of care, tenderness. Where are morning breakfasts, words of love, support, hugs at a meeting? Even if you are a sexy tigress, but in everyday life you devote time only to yourself, the man will fill these gaps with another.
- The reason to assert itself. These are either successful men, or vice versa, those who need to overcome their complexes. Often husbands cheat during a midlife crisis, trying to catch up with outgoing youth.
There is no point in going deeper. Cheating can also be attributed to polygamy, a distorted internal picture of the family in which the man grew up, psychological injuries, and so on. But it is obvious that in almost all cases a lover appears where family problems are present.
Signs that a man is cheating
Wives cheating feel intuitively, even without good reason and reliable evidence. Especially acutely a woman feels the fact of betrayal if she and her husband have a close emotional connection. But you can not always trust your assumptions, remember this! If the husband has been late at work for the second week, maybe there really is a blockage? Or Lena from the contact list and really an elderly employee of the buffet? How to understand that her husband has a permanent lover?
The main evidence is behavior unusual for her husband.
This is manifested in everything: in an intimate life, it can cool off dramatically or vice versa - require new poses, images, moods. Telephone conversations will take place outside the room, under the pretext of “business conversation”, “you can hear better in the kitchen”, “I don’t want to bother you, relax”, etc. A different attitude towards the phone will appear - if it was lying around anywhere, now it’s will be strictly in your pockets, in silent mode or a password will appear on it. Any attempt by a wife to touch the gadget will be accompanied by insults, scandals, speeches about personal space and mistrust. Yes, it will still be empty in all stories: calls, correspondence, browsers.
A husband can dramatically change his appearance and habits - to shave his beard, change his hair, get away from sportswear, run in the mornings, dine only with squirrels. At work, a man will increasingly become the “indispensable employee”, to whom the work of the entire department has fallen. There will certainly be inconsistencies in wages (another woman must be pampered), as well as traces in the car or on clothes (smells, objects, a strangely wrinkled collar).
Advice! Reject attempts by well-wishers to plant news to you that your faithful is cheating. This business concerns only your family, where there should be no outsiders.
Why husbands cheat, but do not leave the family
Despite the large percentage of crisis families affected by cheating on the part of the spouse, not all of them end in divorce. Why do husbands cheat on their wives, but do not leave them? Is it weakness, cowardice, or a desire to sit on two chairs?
Psychologists say that there are plenty of reasons to live in 2 families, but the main one is comfort. Yes, husbands are comfortable with two women at once. One native, loyal, legal, with which a lot of grinding and testing was passed. She will feed, cure, equip life, raise children. I don’t want to leave this one. The other is emotional, passionate, free, unpredictable, interesting. The lover does not require anything, but she herself is not ready to make sacrifices, which is why she keeps her partner on the hook. If both women complement each other, it brings harmony to the life of a man. The husband may not even love his wife, but he will never leave the family in this case.
In addition, there are a number of social reasons why husbands change, but do not leave:
- condemnation of relatives, unnecessary questions, painful conversations about family values,
- the presence of common children,
- fear of falling in the eyes of others (if a man obliges the status to look like a good hero),
- material well-being (suddenly you have to share the jointly acquired property),
- unwillingness to openly conflict with a spouse,
- fear of changing one’s own life (it’s one thing to run into one’s mistress for a couple of hours, and the other is to live with an almost unfamiliar woman in a strange house, grind oneself to her, change one’s foundations),
- frivolity of the novel - not all men fall in love with the women with whom they cheat, some just get distracted or have fun in this way
- love for spouse.
In general, do husbands leave the family for lovers? Statistics say that this rarely happens, only in 10 cases out of 100, but if it does, then half of them always come back to his wife.
A frank conversation with her husband will help determine the future strategy. First of all, you need to learn 2 things: what happened in your relationship such that the spouse began to change and what makes him stay with you still. If you feel that you cannot forgive the betrayal, it is unpleasant and painful to be near your partner - you need to take a break. Not necessarily a divorce - you just need to leave for a while. If your feelings are so strong that you are ready to fight for the family - be patient, it will certainly come in handy.
If the husband in the dialogue guilty admits that he loves another woman - calm down, not everything is lost. Yes, you cannot forbid him to feel, but you can help him sort out his feelings. After all, if the husband does not love, but does not leave the family, it means that something leads him. Basically, this is a feeling of guilt towards a legal spouse. So, psychologists advise in such a situation to understand her husband and let him go to another. You will be surprised, but such a position of the wife often saves the marriage.
What does a lover do? She plays the role of an ideal woman who always looks stunning, in a good mood, able to satisfy any male desires. This illusion is crumbling when from a honeymoon lovers plunge into everyday life. And now the companion wakes up without makeup, and her borscht is not so tasty, and her pillows are thin, the mood is not always cheerful ... But if the wife remained a friend, then her lover's patience sooner or later bursts, and hysteria and ultimatums come to replace benevolence . Then bitterness, longing, insight, insight comes to the man. In psychology, this term is called insight. When the husband abruptly realizes that there is no one better than his spouse, and leaving the family was stupid - the job is done.
And at this time, while you are alone, you will have serious internal work on yourself:
- Accept your pain. Allow negative emotions to come out first, then to pacify them. This is the beginning of a new path.
- Forbid yourself to think about a rival or to compare with her.
- Concentrate on the positive, let go of resentment.
- Live a full, eventful life - sports, walks on a fresh vacation, meeting with friends.
- Do not look for excuses for cheating on her husband, they are not. If you forgive, it means you let go and never return to them.
As soon as you feel the forces that will help you restore (or break) your relationship, everything will go as it should.
How to return a husband to the family
If the husband has a lover, but does not leave the family, returning him is easier than it seems. It is enough to analyze your relationships and possible mistakes for further correction of your behavior. You are an adult girl, and you know very well that both partners are often to blame for the betrayals, so the time has come to draw conclusions.
So, why did the husband fall in love with another woman, why is he cheating? What did he miss in you? Well-groomed, caring, affectionate, intimate diversity, understanding, trust, tenderness? Maybe you loved house-2 more than your household and stopped in your own development? Or did you stop respecting yourself and could go to the store in a dirty terry dressing gown? Remember, analyze, ask, write down thoughts on a leaf. You must have a clear plan according to which you will act.
What should you do so that your husband looks at you with different eyes:
- make it clear that you have a core,
- rest, relax
- to listen to the opinion of the husband, not to interrupt him, to be able to conduct a dialogue calmly,
- take care of yourself,
- think positively
- to do unusual, but right things,
- thank your spouse more often
- compliment him, compliment him,
- become a friend to him.
If the husband spends the night with his mistress, but still does not leave the house, we find peace and recall the basic methods of influencing the opposite sex. This is emotional support, tactile contact (hug, stroking, gentle touch), attention signs, help and care. The husband is at home, which means you have the opportunity to feed him a delicious breakfast, massage your shoulders after a hard day, raise your spirits with your ease and ease, ask unobtrusively for help, then be sure to thank him, etc.
Dear women, remember one thing: in your life there are no right or wrong actions. Any of your decisions will be a priori true, because you will go further with this. Psychologists advise to listen to your own intuition and not act impulsively. Better to take a break, abstract and present your future. The picture that you will see should determine your current steps and, accordingly, your future life. Do not be afraid of anything - to leave, so leave, stay, then stay!
When it’s impossible to forgive the fact of treason - decide on a divorce. If the man is decent - he will help the family, even having left her, and if not - then you need to run away from such husbands even faster!
- Gambling is an analogue of addiction, a kind of malicious hobby, excessive.
- Mania of greatness is a type of behavior or self-identity of an individual, expressed in the region.
- Pursuit mania is a mental dysfunction that may also be referred to as.
If the family has a child
Parents are responsible for the physical and mental health of their children. A child is one of the main reasons why a man, even if he is in love with another, does not leave the family. But is it necessary to sacrifice a child's psyche and how to keep yourself in control if the husband is cheating?
The dual task of the mother is to protect the child from stress. Therefore, it is strictly forbidden to pour out his problems to him, to frighten the child with the fact that dad cheats, leaves, stopped loving him, traded him, refuses to meet, and so on. Distinguish between parent-child and marital relations, no matter how painful you are! You should not threaten your husband with the fact that if he does not stop cheating, he will never see his son / daughter again. Otherwise, this conflict will move to a more acute stage.
On the contrary, spend all your time together as much as possible, let your husband actively participate in your life - go to the cinema, learn lessons, walk in the park, ride bicycles. If a child is happy and shares his warm feelings with his parents, adults remember that the children were the result of their love, which means that you can still return.
Common female mistakes
It is difficult to control your actions when a loved one changes, destroying the brightest moments. It is especially painful if the husband said that he no longer loves his spouse, but at the same time, nevertheless, continues to live with her on the same territory.
Whatever decision is made by the wife, she has the right to it. The only thing psychologists are calling for is to keep their own face.
What absolutely can not be done if the husband is in no hurry to leave his mistress?
- To pretend that nothing is happening. If you close your eyes to adultery, the husband will consider this an encouragement and will not even think to stop changing. And why do you need the role of a great martyr? Do you think that your husband will kiss your hands for this? No, all you get is a shaky psyche and somatic diseases that creep out due to constantly suppressed anger.
- Forgive right away. A man must understand - if a wife forgives his betrayal, then she does it only once! Of course, not right away. First, you must again plunge into the candy-bouquet period, where the husband is obliged to seek you. With dates, flowers, movies, dinners, kisses. But after forgiveness, the topic of betrayal should close forever.
- Press pity. Pity causes contempt and repels men. He wants to see a successful, confident woman next to him, and not a spineless creature, ready for anything for him!
- Blackmail, threaten. Many wives begin to set absurd conditions: if you leave, continue to change, then I will commit suicide / you will not see a child / I will break your car / son’s exams, take care of his nerves, etc. If you think that this will sober up her husband and make him again to love you, the effect will be exactly the opposite. He will leave anyway, but then he will wash your bones for a long time with the one with whom he is cheating. A rival will convince him of the right choice, because you are obviously a crazy desperate lady.
- Seek out meetings with your mistress. What for? Whatever the reason, you will still be humiliated. And if you cling to her face - then immediately crash in this triangle. If the husband stopped loving his wife, but for some reason does not leave the family, then he needs a reason. Blame before your mistress for your behavior is a great opportunity to leave!
- Take revenge. A woman thinks that other relationships are a great reason to make her husband jealous. Not. Instead, you give the man a green light, and in the end, in addition to the pain of betrayal, you will be overtaken by disappointment, devastation, and contempt from your own ridiculous behavior.
If the husband already lives with his mistress, but doesn’t file for a divorce, wait a minute and you. Do not play along with your opponent, because she is just waiting for this, while one of you takes this decisive step. On the contrary, be calm like a rock, but do not let yourself be forgotten. Become a cat, swap places with your mistress - now let them leave her.
Do not interfere with parents, children and friends in the nuances of your frustration. The more your common relatives and friends press on him, the more your husband will become in a defensive position.
Husband changes what to do - psychologist's advice
For any young lady, even the most self-sufficient, her husband’s infidelity is a tragedy, as a result of which long-term plans are destroyed, her attitude is changed, a feeling appears, as if a support was knocked out from under her feet. Hopes are broken, value ideals are crushed, habitual way of life is broken.
What if the husband changes, how to behave? It is necessary to take your own person in your own hands and move on. Male infidelity is pain, but not tragedy. Therefore, it should be treated as well as in situations of somatic pain, that is, to understand the factors that provoked adultery, and act on them. This will help either to save the family, or teach in future life with a new partner not to make such mistakes.
If the husband is unfaithful and does not admit what to do, a solution to this problem can be found in the following ways of responding to conjugal adultery. The easiest way is humility when the spouse “does not notice” the betrayal. A similar model of behavior is chosen by ladies who have been married for many years, when grandchildren have already appeared and women give them all the time, and men seek entertainment on the side. Therefore, feminis, learning about infidelity, create the appearance of a strong family, since they are not going to change their status as a married lady, and their intimate life has long been unimportant. It’s easier for them not to “notice” the little pranks of the spouse, rather than remain fifty after fifty and learn to live without a traitor.
Forgiving and letting go is a way of self-confident femins, which love of self, pride and self-esteem do not allow “not to notice” that their loved ones betray them day after day. Often, such ladies immediately let go of the unfaithful spouse, often even drive them away, but they forgive him much later. They are self-sufficient, therefore they are sure that on the path of life they will still meet a worthy partner.
The option to fight is more suitable for those young ladies who want to preserve a relationship who are sure that they have found their only one and are not going to share it with a potential homeowner. Such women have a hard time. After all, they have no right to break. They constantly have to play a role, hiding from their spouse what pain is tearing inside. In addition, they must understand what their unfaithful husband was looking for on the side, what reasons led to this, in order to build a correct model of behavior in which a man does not want to look for emotions outside the family.
The listed methods are only decision models that contribute to the correct assessment of the situation and determination of priorities.
The main tips of psychologists
Family psychologists say that there are a lot of cases when the husband no longer loves his wife, but lives with her. Such marriages are called partnerships, and financially unrealized women create and retain them. Why do not husbands leave not loved ones? Everything is simple - it is enough for them to be loved. A man carries money to his wife - a woman for this money gives him comfort and coziness. As a rule, there is no sex in such relations or it is very scarce. For these purposes, the husband gets himself one that gives him physical satisfaction. How long will this marriage last? Until one of the spouses breaks this vicious circle of sick relationships.
What does a woman need to do if her husband constantly cheats on her, but does not leave her? That's right - to realize everything and start a lot of work on yourself. What does it consist of?
First of all, increase your own self-esteem. This hackneyed phrase makes sense at all times: "Until a woman loves herself, no one will love her!" It consists in self-development and self-esteem. Allow yourself a new dress, ringlet, manicure. Wear beautiful clothes, makeup and hairstyle even at home - you will see, you will like it!
Secondly, put your thoughts in order. To do this, you just need to talk to someone you trust. It is not necessary to reveal your soul or complain about your husband, sometimes just talking with a good person is enough. About plans, desires, weather, interests.
Third, sublimate this situation in a positive way. Look for the pros. Have you been planning a repair for a long time? It looks like you have time for this. Tear off the wallpaper, move the furniture, attach to the work of her husband. Collaboration brings together.
And finally, the rules that every self-respecting woman should remember:
“Do not keep evil within you. It causes disease. Forgiving - goodbye, otherwise leave forever. "
“Even if you are a housewife, be smart, beautiful, athletic, interesting.”
“Do not condone treason, even if both partners are to blame. It’s not you who climbed into your pants to another person. ”
“Fight only when it's worth it. Do not fight at the closed door - run out of breath. Take care of yourself".
“Think 2 steps forward. Know how to calculate the situation. "
“Freedom is not as scary as it seems. She brings unexpected relief. ”
“Everyone has the right to make a mistake, but only if it is the only one.”
“Distinguish between love and dependence. They fight for the first, they get rid of the second. ”
“Women's strength is weak. Otherwise, the husband will find one that will need him. "
“Learn to understand male hobbies. It saved a lot of families. ”
"Only a happy mother can make children happy."
If you decide to leave, share property, throw stuff out of your house, head and engage in your personal life. If you and your husband decided to start from scratch - change everything, right down to the place of residence. Only this should be prompted by only one feeling - love.Answer yourself honestly - you return the husband because you love? Or because you want to take revenge, to prove something, are afraid to be alone? If these are sincere emotions - meet again, set other rules, add other habits to your life, love each other passionately and tenderly. When adults want to work on themselves - they will certainly succeed!
Make a decision carefully. It is difficult to call a family in which the husband systematically walks, but does not leave, normal, a fact. Think what keeps you together? Are you investing there? Why is this happening to you? At what point did you turn into the one you are cheating on? How much more time are you willing to spend on suffering? If you are angry with these questions - it's time to change something. Do not be afraid to lose love - probably it is no longer there. If you feel that the family is still alive - get up and fight for it, become a guide for the lost husband. Whether you will overcome this bitter lesson together is up to you. In any case, let it become the impetus for a new look, a new life and your transformation! Be happy!
Useful video from a famous psychotherapist:
Important advice from psychologists on what to do to a woman who has survived adultery
Start raising your own self-esteem. After all, if a woman does not love herself, not a single man will ever love her. You need to start respecting yourself, pamper and cherish. Buy yourself a new dress or shoes, a ring or underwear. For greater results, you can wear new clothes even at home.
Tidy up in your head. Seriously. Start putting things in order there. First you need to at least talk to someone. This does not mean that you need to complain or pour out the soul. Not. Just talk with a good person about your plans, about your interests, or just about the weather.
In each situation, you can find some advantages. Try to find them here. Perhaps you have long wanted to do repairs? Excellent. Now you have a lot of time for this. Start actively moving furniture with your husband, rip off old wallpapers. Joint labor ennobles and brings people together.
If, after the betrayal, you firmly decided to leave your husband, then divide the property, start throwing trash out of your head, out of your house and pursue your personal life.
If you decide to stay with your spouse and start living from scratch, then completely change your whole life, maybe you should even change your place of residence. But there is one condition that love should push you to all of this.
If you are aware that your family is still alive, then it's time to stand up and fight for it, and for your lost husband to become a guide and overcome this bitter experience together. In any case, this lesson will become a new impetus for you, a new life and your new transformation.
How to respond to cheating on her husband - psychologist's advice
What to do if I find out about my husband’s infidelity? Psychologist's advice: first of all, do not succumb to rage and make attempts to meet with a love-woman and express her accumulated claims in her face. It is worth adopting the following practical recommendations that will help preserve honor, dignity, and save yourself from mental stress:
- Seek advice from best friends. Communication with loved ones will cool the ardor and provide a wonderful opportunity to look at the picture of what happened as objectively as possible.
- Take a break in the relationship and move to a place that will not remind you of the unfaithful spouse. Thanks to the temporary separate residence, it will be possible to weigh all the arguments on the “cold head” both in favor and against parting with the traitor.
A meeting with good friends should not turn into a permanent discussion of the offenses and negative qualities of the spouse. Instead of digging meaninglessly in the past, which brings only suffering, it makes sense to direct the dialogues in a constructive direction. Having taken an interest in the opinion of the friends, it is necessary to draw up at least a rough plan of further actions and jointly consider the first steps to overcome the psychological crisis.
The next step in stabilizing mental comfort is the fight against a negative emotional background, for the change of which it is necessary to make some efforts. Restoring lost trust between spouses is not an easy task, and it can take a very long period from several months to many years to solve it.
What if the husband cheated? Psychologist's advice: there is no need to rush revenge on her husband in haste through reciprocal treason. However, to raise self-esteem, it would be worthwhile to turn your attention to an old boyfriend or a new friend by visiting a cafe, restaurant or exhibition with him. Compliments and praise from the lips of a stranger will not definitely harm the wounded female vanity. Of course, you need to immediately warn the partner in the cultural program that the meeting will not have further development.
If the husband’s betrayal revealed during the pregnancy of his wife, it will be very difficult for her to survive the fact of betrayal. However, the reason for going to the left can be caused by the spouse's fear of intimacy with a woman in position. It is important to remain calm and think primarily about the health of the unborn child, since severe stress has a very negative effect on the development of the fetus.
Important! It is possible to advise quick-tempered and impulsive natures, instead of hysteria and scandal, to take a break and take a quick walk through a forest, park or alley. Walking allows you to smooth out the severity of negative experiences and in the shortest possible time to return to a state of emotional stability.
The husband walks, but does not leave: the advice of a psychologist
If the husband cheats, but does not leave, the advice of the psychologist will be as follows: initially it is necessary to establish the cause of the spouse's infidelity. Otherwise, you can easily get to a nervous breakdown, sorting out hundreds of options in your head. Most often, the following motives of male adultery are found:
- lack of understanding within the family, constant scandals, noisy proceedings and excessive jealousy on the part of the wife,
- lack of diversity in the sexual sphere. A man’s hike to the left is often provoked by boredom and indifference reigning within the matrimonial bedroom,
- selfishness. The subject goes on adultery, justifying his own behavior inherent in all men with polygamy or guided by an overestimated sense of importance,
- many husbands from divorce are stopped by the need to share jointly acquired property. Thus, they equip themselves with a very comfortable existence with their wife and lover.
Often men choose a “double life” because of the presence of minor children who must be brought up in a full-fledged family. The opinion of relatives, acquaintances and work colleagues may act as a deterrent to the breakdown in official relations. Fear of public censure often pushes to the invention of sophisticated schemes designed to hide the true state of affairs from the eyes of others. Maintaining social status and dignity is definitely not important than your own health, so don’t repeat the mistakes of Anna Karenina.
For most women, it is commonplace to punish a spouse with intimate abstinence, which in the most obvious way can result in a search for a less inclined to whims and a more accommodating passion on the side. The reasons that a husband cheats, but does not leave for another woman for good, may be hidden in the banal strength of a habit and unwillingness to disrupt the usual way of things. Some men are involuntary hostages of the image of a womanizer, formed in his youth. According to an entrenched pattern, an alpha male must constantly prove his own superiority through victories on the personal front.
If the husband has been repeatedly noticed while flirting with other women, or there have been proven facts of betrayal, most likely, the vector of his behavior will continue to be the same. Therefore, you should seriously think about parting with the unfaithful spouse, otherwise the marriage risks turning into constant stress and permanent exhaustion of nerves to each other. Forgiveness of previous betrayals will not lead to anything good, and maintaining such a relationship is highly discouraged. Here is precisely the situation when, in order to establish life, it is necessary to leave the comfort zone for a while.
A woman who suffers hiking missus on the left, loses both self-esteem and authority in the eyes of an unfaithful husband. With a high degree of probability, we can assume that the spouse will take advantage of this situation for mercantile purposes and begin to manipulate his wife. Almost any adequately minded psychologist will advise a woman to break off all diplomatic relations with a traitor and find the courage to file for a divorce.
How to behave with a husband after his betrayal - advice from a psychologist
All women who survived the betrayal of the spouse think: what to do if the husband has changed?
Psychologist's advice: it is necessary to undergo a detailed analysis of the causes and motives that pushed the missus to the left. According to statistics, the enormous share of divorce proceedings is due to misunderstanding and lack of respect from both partners. Women with authoritarian character traits and accustomed to control need to “loosen their grip” and pay attention to the needs of the spouse.
Instead of lamentations, one should pay close attention to the external and internal transformation. For starters, you can organize shopping accompanied by friends. The process of buying new things will allow you to distract from negative thoughts for a while, improve your mood and choose clothes that will not go unnoticed by people of the opposite sex. Those who have long wanted to purchase a gym membership should immediately implement their plans. Ladies who are close friends with the sport can be recommended to go in for one of its extreme varieties. A surge of adrenaline helps relieve stress at a hormonal level.
It is advisable to pay due attention to cultural development. A visit to the theater, the premiere of the expected movie or a new museum exposition will allow not only broadening one's horizons, but also distracting oneself from the experiences associated with the betrayal of her husband. It would be useful to have a fascinating hobby for yourself, and it doesn’t matter at all whether it will be culinary skills courses or personal growth trainings. For the first time, it is preferable to surround yourself with a company of girlfriends and friends, since for most people in such a period loneliness is unbearable.
What if the husband changes, how to behave? Psychologist's advice: it is very important for a woman who has survived the betrayal of her husband to love herself and accept her own uniqueness and uniqueness as an indisputable fact. Self-love does not imply a selfish and sublime attitude to people around, but an objective assessment of the shortcomings and virtues in order to improve the appearance, physical form, and also learn to enjoy life. Most often husbands neglect those wives who give cause for this and allow themselves to be treated in this way.
Hidden grievances are considered the lot of weak people who are used to shifting all responsibility for any events to others. In addition, hidden anger is considered the cause of various chronic diseases. Husband does not admit to treason? Psychologist's advice: if the evidence of adultery is obvious, and the spouse convicted of treason continues to maintain a good face in a bad game, it makes no sense to maintain a relationship with him.
Cheating on her husband, how to behave: psychologist's advice
Husband cheats, but does not leave, how to behave? The psychologist will answer this question in this way: maintaining calm is considered perhaps the most important in a situation where the fact of a husband's betrayal is proven. If the spouse does not attempt to make amends or restore lost trust, taking steps to get closer to him is clearly not recommended. There are often cases when a husband cheats on his wife with her best friend. What to do in such situations, everyone decides for himself. However, one of the most preferable options will be to break ties with both a friend and a missus.
Many men after leaving the family, to their own surprise, understand that the relationship with the mistress does not develop as imagined, and the remnants of romance are broken into everyday life and evaporate without a trace in an unknown direction. Statistics say that about half of unfaithful husbands walk up and try to return to their families. Forgive the prodigal roommate or not? It all depends on the specific situation and a number of different details, which are very difficult to list in the framework of this article.
Some women, in the hope of preserving a marriage cracking at the seams, resort to the services of all kinds of fortunetellers and psychics. Attempts to bewitch the husband will not lead to anything good, and definitely will not save the doomed divorce unit of society. You can help marriage by going through a joint session of psychological therapy with qualified specialists. Surviving treason is not easy, so it’s often necessary to support a hypnotist to save the family.
Hypnotic sessions allow you to change the attitude to the problem at a subconscious level and get rid of emotional shocks and anxiety. Nikita Valerievich Baturin has tremendous experience in the field of practical psychology and hypnotic effects. You can make an appointment with him in person (the office is located in the city of Tyumen) or in the correspondence (via Skype). You can watch useful videos from Nikita Valerievich on his YouTube channel.